By Aditi Rana
So, why is everyone saying “very demure” all of a sudden?
TikTok is all about “demure,” all thanks to Jools Lebron. Earlier this month, she posted a video showing off her chill makeup look, saying, “See how I come to work? Very demure.” Then, she dropped another video later that day on “how to be demure at work,” and it went viral, racking up over five million views. She explains, “The way I show up for the interview is the same way I show up for the job. Some of y’all go to the interview looking like Marge Simpson and to the job looking like Patty and Selma. Not demure.” Another catchphrase – “very demure, very mindful” – is now everywhere, even popping up in an Instagram post from NYC’s sanitation department.
Since then, Lebron has fully embraced the concept of “demurity,” as she calls it. She’s given us the lowdown on how to be demure while ordering food, getting your nails done, boarding a plane with grace, picking up your ID from the gay bar, keeping your hair at a demure length, and even maintaining your dental care during tough mental health days—all with a demure twist.
So, what’s the vibe here? For Lebron, “demure” is often paired with being “mindful,” “cutesy,” or “sweetsy.” It captures the subtle coyness in the original meaning of the word: doing the most while looking like you’re doing the least. But she also drenches it in irony—like when she says she doesn’t drink or party, only to cut to a clip of her stumbling through a hotel, slurring “very demure” while obviously tipsy.
Lebron, who is trans, connects her demure ideal with a legacy of iconic figures. In one video, she honoured the “demure divas” who came before her, including Venus Xtravaganza from the drag documentary Paris Is Burning. But “demure” isn’t just resonating within the LGBTQ community; it’s struck a chord across the online world too. It’s part of the never-ending cycle of social media trends that swing from one extreme to the other: from “slay”, “clean girl” to “Brat” to “demure.” It also taps into Gen Z’s somewhat conservative streak—they go out less, drink less, and have less sex than older generations.
“Very mindful, very demure” is the latest obsession on Instagram and TikTok, catching the attention of users and brands alike. It’s right in line with Gen Z’s quiet luxury craze, championing a life led with class, simplicity, and the art of not doing too much.
What makes this trend so appealing is its duality. On one hand, it promotes a genuine embrace of modesty and mindfulness, pushing back against the louder, more in-your-face styles that have dominated social media. On the other, it’s laced with irony and a touch of sarcasm that brands are quick to capitalize on. Companies like Duolingo are using it to playfully promote sophisticated vocabulary, while Woolworths has tapped into the “cutesy” aspect to market their products with a fun, refined twist. Even the ever-so-demure cast of Emily In Paris has joined in on the trend.
As more people and brands hop on the “very mindful, very demure” bandwagon, it’ll be interesting to see where it goes. Will it signal a lasting change in how we present ourselves online and in real life, or will it be just another fleeting chapter in the book of internet culture? For now, it looks like the era of “slay” is taking a backseat to something a bit more refined, thoughtful, and yes, demure. But if the demure life isn’t your vibe and you’re still a Brat at heart, feel free to tune it out and keep doing you.